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My Communication Conundrum

A core element of leadership is effective communication, which requires skill, empathy and consistency. People around you need to know what you expect from them and also what they can expect from you. Consistent communication delivers the same message to everyone.

Open and clear communication sounds easy enough, but as I learned a long time ago, my Joe Friday approach was missing the mark and Nietzsche was right on the money. My concern for consistency led to ineffective communication with those around me.

People need to hear the same message but the problem is each of us has a unique filter that interprets everything we hear, see or read. Just think back to the telephone game we all played in which a message whispered to the first person in class was dramatically different by the time the last person reported it back to the class.

[pullquote]”There are no facts, only interpretations.” [/pullquote]

Delivering consistent and effective communication can be challenging whether you manage dozens of people or just one. My personal failures and triumphs have reinforced just how right Nietzsche was. No matter how thorough and clear you think your messages are, individual interpretation will surely cloud your best efforts and intentions. And this dramatically impacts your effectiveness.

As a new athletic director I was determined to implement sound management procedure. I was conscious of fairness, consistency and clear communication. I would avoid common leadership and management shortcomings: confusion, issues of favoritism and complaints about lack of communication. Or so I thought.

While I delivered the same exact messages to everyone, either in person, in a staff meeting or in a department-wide email, there were always varying interpretations of my message. For a while it baffled and frustrated me. How could anyone misinterpret my clear, to-the-point message? Was it me? Was it them? Clearly it was both.

Human nature and the different ways in which people digest information complicate communication. Every new person we meet presents a new communication challenge. We all can improve our communication skills. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

  1. Communication is emotional and relationship-dependent.

    People want to please. No matter how confident a person seems, or how large their ego, receiving messages from a leader, manager or boss creates anxiety and fear of underperforming. It is impossible to fully escape the roles of boss and subordinate.
    How will this impact me?’ People want to feel safe, special and important, as if you are talking just to them, about them. Communicating how something will impact their program provides a personal context.
    Fear of being stupid. Nobody wants to be the one that doesn’t ‘get it’ and this causes people to shut down and rely heavily on their own interpretations.
    Demonstrate genuine concern. As one saying goes, ‘they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.’ If people feel you don’t care about them, communication will suffer.

  2. Honesty and transparency are your best allies.

    You can’t fake it. Emotion, good or bad, must be genuine. Be yourself and don’t try to act like you think you should or try to fit into a role.
    Heed your grandmother. Bobby Knight quoted his grandmother’s best advice: ‘If you tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said.’ You can’t hide or ’spin’ information. People may not like what you have to say, but if it’s the truth, they will respect it and have all the information available.
    You can’t hide bad news. Share it, help people deal with it, and move past it. Incomplete information forces people to activate their interpretation mechanism based on the only information available.
    And YOU can’t hide, either. People need to see you in their own environment in order to feel understood and supported. Visit people in their office, at their practices or in their equipment room, not just in your own office.

  3. Everyone needs to continually work on communication skills.

    Don’t just communicate when there’s a problem. Regular, on-going communication builds trust and dialogue.
    Utilize multiple communication modes. Some people like emails, some like to listen to someone speak. Some need a question to stimulate thinking about a piece of information. Some need time to process before being able to discuss information.
    Be open to criticism. No one has perfected communication, and no one ever will. That is not the objective. We all simply need to identify how we can improve to become more effective.
    Ask for feedback. If you are unclear about your effectiveness, ask for feedback from your staff or other people with whom you work.

The new year represents a fresh start for many— whether it’s a list of resolutions or a simple goal of personal improvement. In business and in life, communication is one thing none of us can escape, and we all should make a resolution to examine our efforts, intentions and effectiveness.

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