The field of management is littered with men and women who are willing to settle for being mediocre. Mediocrity is easy. Awfulness requires courage, focus, and dedication.
What does it take to be truly terrible? If you consistently apply the following seven simple rules, you’ll go beyond what is merely acceptable and achieve the distinction of being the world’s worst boss.
1. Take Credit For The Accomplishments Of Others
When someone on your team does something of note, tell everyone that you did it. At team meetings, listen carefully to what others say. When you hear a good idea, remember it and then later claim it as yours. Your direct reports won’t challenge you because they know that doing so would jeopardize their chances for promotions or raises. You’ll advance faster in the organization without having to do much of the heavy lifting yourself.
2. Tell Your Direct Reports They’re Being Badmouthed
You have lots of opportunities for hearing what your colleagues say about the people who work for you. Most of it isn’t complimentary because it feels better to find fault than to give praise.
Never miss a chance to be the bearer of bad news. Your subordinates will be afraid to protest, and you’ll reinforce your position as someone more powerful than they.
3. Make Sexual Innuendoes Whenever Possible
Just about any statement or situation can be turned into something spicy. A wink, guffaw, or well-timed smirk will bring out the sexual subtext inherent in what your direct reports say or do. Michael Scott, the Dunder-Mifflin manager from NBC’s The Office, liked to complete others’ sentences with “That’s what she said!” Try it!
4. Play Favorites
You recently fired someone for coming to work late, leaving early, and spending a lot of time at work surfing the Internet and catching up on sleep. Another person on your team does exactly the same thing, but she happens to be the daughter of a friend of yours. You’d surely upset your friend if you fired this slacker, so keep her on. If anyone grouses about this, it’s their problem, not yours.
5. Talk About Politics At Work
Whether you love or detest the president, you surely have strong feelings about him. Let your feelings be known! You’ll soon be able to ferret out employees who have different points of view than you do. This will help you decide who to promote and who to let go, even if those differing perspectives have no effect on job performance. Better to keep people of like minds on your team.
6. Allow Or Require People To Come To Work With The Flu
Staying home and resting is for wimps. You don’t take it easy when you’re under the weather, so why should the members of your team get away with this? Besides, if someone is well enough to call in sick, they’re well enough to come to work.
7. Expect Team Members To Be Available Around The Clock, Every Day
The Internet never shuts down. Neither should the people who work for you. In a global economy, snoozers are losers. Your direct reports must realize that for the company to remain competitive, everyone needs to respond quickly to problems as they arise, no matter how trivial those problems may be.
It Takes Consistency To Become A Genuinely Horrible Boss
Bad managers apply some of the above rules some of the time. If you want to rise above the fray and be the best at being the worst, you need to be tougher than the rest and apply all seven of these rules consistently.
Note: I wish I could take credit for these ingenious guidelines, but they’re based on true stories from hard-working, high-character people I know who deserved better than the managers they worked for.